As soon as we became the newest couple on the playground, I was instantly scheming of ways to dump his ass.
I felt tied down, and suddenly every other boy looked cooler. No matter how great the guy I am dating is, time after time, I have the same suffocated feeling with almost all of them. All of my close girlfriends even started calling me “Spooks” when I started to date someone new.
Guys on TV and in real life are cryptic, hard to read and most of all, commitment-phobic. In my over a decade-long experience dating all sorts of guys, I have found myself to be a true commitment-phobe.
Men are consistently portrayed as the ones who are avoiding the “relationship talk” because most of the time, that is very true. I understand this is the classic behavior we attribute to men, as they do avoid relationships, but I also feel this way.
You love her, and from what you perceive, you know that she’s in love with you, too.
But what is it that makes her so hesitate to commit herself to you fully and even hurts you by keeping her distance from you?
As the light, casual conversations start to move into deeper, heavier topics, all of a sudden you’re discussing joint holidays and meeting each other’s parents. People who have commitment issues generally have a serious problem in staying in a relationship for the long-term.
Now, as a psychologist and dating coach I have regular conversations with my clients about this very topic and it’s great to draw on both personal experience and professional industry intelligence.
Most romantic comedies are based upon the same premise: Boy and girl meet, girl likes boy, boy may or may not like girl, they date, some sort of conflict happens and they end up together.
I would be willing to say based on my vast experience with romantic comedies that a majority of them center around the girl hopelessly liking the boy, not the other way around.
Whether it’s because of testosterone or any other male hormone, something in a man’s nature makes him want to steer clear of any kind of commitment. As the only girl who feels as such in my group of besties (who all thrive in relationships), I can’t help but think I must be missing an inherent female gene.
I felt this sort of resistance from deep within my body from the very first time I started “dating” my first boyfriend in fourth grade.
They knew all it would take was one semi-serious gesture to make me go running for the hills. After a few months of dating, I would lose interest altogether and move on.